A Message from Our Founder, Pam Farrel

            If my life were described as a hand-crocheted afghan, then one day someone grabbed one piece of thread of the afghan and began to unravel my life as I knew it. Here’s just a snapshot of time during what became a transition that lasted over four years.  I was told by my doctor that I was 4 four times more likely to have a heart attack than the average woman because of my family tree. She told me that I needed to make some key life changes. My husband had been the picture of health, and all of a sudden his blood pressure went through the roof. This got our attention because his grandfather died of a stroke at age 47, and his father had a stroke that left him paralyzed and disabled at age 48. Bill was 45. At the time, Bill and I had achieved some measure of success as writers. One of our books had even hit the bestsellers list (Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti). Bill was also the senior pastor of the largest church in our city, and we were completing a new building project. One day, we were traveling and Bill wasn’t feeling well, so he went to the doctor.  The doctor asked about his life—“Got any stress?” When Bill described his mountain of responsibility, the physician replied, “Bill, you are a people helper. What would you tell someone who came into your office displaying these symptoms?”

            Bill replied, “You have some strategic decisions to make and some life change is on the road ahead.” Exactly. So to make a very long and painful story short, through a series of events and meetings, Bill ended up resigning from the church he’d pastored for over 15 years, a church where we loved the people and they loved us... The anxiety and emotional pain were intense... We had taught on midlife transitions (crisis), but now we were experiencing our own...

            While we purposely slowed Bill’s pace, I felt my own life stress and responsibility grow exponentially. You see, at the time of the life transition, all our sons were teens (at the time, they were 13, 17, and 19). I was trying to keep one kid in college and prepare another’s send-off for his education, all during a time period where there was a huge income shift.  . . . One week in particular sticks out to me as a picture of our life. Caleb (then 13) was hit illegally in a football game and had to be rushed to Children’s Hospital. We discovered he had internal bleeding and had to have a blood transfusion. He was in ICU for the next eight days. I found myself sitting with Bill next to Caleb, praying for both their lives to be spared. When we finally brought Caleb home, I had a speaking engagement that the family needed me to keep (because they kind of like groceries in the fridge). I left Caleb in Bill’s wonderful care. The first night I was gone, our middle son, Zach, was pulled from his football game with a concussion and knee injury. The next night, our oldest, a Junior College quarterback, was pulled from the game with what we thought might be a career-ending /scholarship-ending injury. When I landed at the airport, my sister-in-law was on the phone with the news that my 40-year-old brother had experienced a heart attack. (Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how’d you like the theater?)  I prayed in desperation, Lord, who am I supposed to save first?

            I am a pretty transparent person, so my feelings show on my face. Even if people didn’t know the cause, they could easily pick up that I was definitely experiencing stress. People cared, so they inquired. I just didn’t know how to reply when people would ask, “So, how are you doing?” The answer was either too long, too personal, or too depressing. I also didn’t want to wreck their day. Often, when asked, “How are you doing?”  we women respond in an Eyore kind of moan, “Well, pretty good under the circumstances.” I love Professor Howard Hendricks’ response, “Under the circumstances?  What are you doing under there?”

            I began to ask God how to answer. God simply responded, “What kind of woman do you want to be, Pam?” “Lord, I want to be the kind of person who can look at whatever life sends her way and find joy in it. Your Word says, ‘The joy of the Lord is our strength,’ (Nehemiah 8:10) and do I ever need strength right now! So I guess joy is the answer.” As a result, I changed my response to the question, “So, Pam, how are you doing?” My new answer became, “Choosin’ joy!” And guess what? I found joy!

            Seasoned Sisters is my thank you to all those precious friends who walked beside me in our midlife transition. Seasoned Sisters is also my thank you to God for carrying us through to a strong place and giving me a life to look forward to – no matter what circumstances hit.  

            It is my hope and prayer that on the pages of this website, in the pages of my book Fantastic After 40, and through the monthly Ezine, you will find the encouragement, equipping, and inspiration to forge a fantastic future after 40.  

            I also hope that many of you will decide to gather your friends and form a Seasoned Sisters Friendship Circle—or ask your church or organization to launch a Seasoned Sisters group in your community. In sistering, we are stronger!  Choose Joy!